MOMMA TOLD ME THERE’D BE DAYS LIKE THIS

Today is one of those days that inspire a head-shake and an exasperated, “Really?

The morning begins with a shower where I shampoo my body and body-wash my hair.

SHAMPOO BODY WASH

And the afternoon brings ten fumbling, frustrating minutes of trying to make a sandwich only to discover that the Pita bread won’t open because it doesn’t open! Are you kidding me?

 PITA NO POCKET

And moments later, when I take the first bite of my real Pita pocket sandwich, the bottom splits open and everything spills out and goes plonk on the plate.

And finally, some news from my doctor.

Apparently, I am not the only one who gets annoyed with people, my body does too! And some of my organs are protesting. (Bastards).

My heart’s hammering, migraine’s pulsating, bladder’s faking infection and my gall bladder (where is that anyway?) is feigning stones; but, wait . . .

O.M.G., did I just wee-wee on my socks?”

FACE YIKES

Nope. That unnatural flush of warmth is hot flashes . . . IN MY FEET!

All of your test results are “unremarkable” the doctor says, “You’re fine, but you need to work on the stress.”

Really?

That’s just marvelous.

Resigned to staying home, I walk to the sofa, dumfounded and defeated, in my jammies and my over-sized athletic socks . . .

IN JAMMIES

. . . and step right into cat barf.

But it’s not even noon yet!” I whine.

Now, before this polka dotted, hot-flashing old gal can relax, I’ve got to take my funky-ass hair and itchy skin, and go air out my feet. And my socks. And clean up the leaky non-Pita pita mess. And the gaggy cat stuff I just smooshed into the carpet.

There’s no doubt, it’s one of those days alright. Haha.

What’s my calmative mantra again?

Oh yeah . . . “Just breathe”.

Categories: Humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 23 Comments

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23 thoughts on “MOMMA TOLD ME THERE’D BE DAYS LIKE THIS

  1. Keith Wissman

    Quoting Frank Costanza: “SERENITY NOW!”

  2. What doesn’t kill me, makes me stronger.
    I love the shampoo soap mixup. I wear glasses and can’t see when I am in the shower, constantly conditioning first, then shampooing! AARRGGHHH!

    • Hi Claudia! Haha. I can’t blame the shampoo mixup on my eyes….but the bottles are so similar that it almost makes me wonder how different the ingredients are! Thank you for reading and leaving me a note. It’s like a little gift. xoJulia

  3. I hope the afternoon was better! I’ve never had a pita hold together, either.

    • Thanks, Patti! The afternoon was better! I took my mind off of my whining and went to visit a friend in the hospital. Sometimes the best thing to do is focus on someone else. Thanks so much for reading and leaving me a note! All my best to you! xoJulia

  4. Sounds a little like my week!

    • That good, ‘eh, Darla? Oh no! I hope it gets better! Thanks for reading….I know how busy you must be. It’s always so nice to hear from you and see your gorgeous face! xoJulia

  5. ethel carver

    great writings

  6. Lol…what are you going to do for an encore!
    Too funny girlfriend!

    • You know that the (Bastards) thing was in honor of you, right? haha. Thought you might get a kick out of it. Always….BIG thanks for all of your support, girlie! xoJulia

  7. Sheila

    Always enjoy reading your blogs. Made me smile and I think I was right with you cleaning up the ever so lovely fir balls this morning. I don’t know which of my three cats “gifted” me today, but I wish they would stop loving me that much. ;)

    • Ha ha ha. I know what you mean, Sheila! I get it in my shoes sometimes! Eeek. Yucky to try to clean out. Thank you SO much for reading! xoJulia

  8. Lynn Marchant

    Harpies, hellhounds, gremlins, and what have you – take a Day Trip ‘Up Top’ stopping off at the Kovach residence. I read (sorry, but with relish!) what happened to you, Julia!!!

    Menopausal is pure magnetism, pure FUN where Mischief is concerned. What may manifest physiologically, as a wonky thyroid, or hypothalamus may in reality be: some Older Gal trying to break out.Take it, or leave it. That’s a valid second opinion for you.

    Beneath the hot flashes and all, there is this FUN, unencumbered, Older Gal struggling out-from-within and speaking her piece here. A yard sale is taking place inside – freeing you of Life’s trials, pain, pent-up emotions, rubbish and restrictions! A newborn, Free Spirit is emerging – as sophisticated, as mature as Greta Garbo. (What she did when famously alone, may be open to conjecture). Whilst YOU, Julia, put yourself marvelously on display – hot flashes and all, for all the World online..

    Your neon, hot flashes and razor-sharp wit are carving a name for themselves. The all-time Epitome of Written Emotion (that’s YOU) towers out of their embers.

  9. Oh Julia, ya got me laughin’ and cryin’ honey. You just stepped into one o’ those “can’t win” kinda days. As soon as I see one comin’ I run to the fridge for a “milkshake.” My tall thermo cup (kept in the fridge), a few ice cubes, O’Reilly’s Irish Cream and a dash of milk.

    Shake it up real good and start sippin’ … don’t care what time o’ day it is, calms me right down. And I don’t give a darn if it mixes with my meds either.

    blessings ~ maxi

    • Awww……Maxi, now you’ve gone and made me smile! Thank you. Your “cure” for a bad day like this sounds yummy. I like the way you think. Thank you for reading and delivering the gift that is you. Take good care of yourself. xoJulia

  10. LOVE this blog, was laughing out loud as well, I’ve definitely had those days where it was like a pitaless, catbarfing, athletic sock wearing day that I should have stayed home in my pyjamas.. hahaha

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