I awaken early. It is still dark. And quiet.

“Merry Christmas” I whisper to the dog as I rise.

Not too many tears this morning. I’m sort of tear-ed out. Although I fight the good fight, it’s been a long pre-holiday week of them.

I feed the animals and take my coffee to the sofa.

I switch on my Christmas angel and she quietly changes from glowing red to green to blue. She is my only decoration.

angel in globe

I pray.

I have already grieved those I’m missing and cried the tears of things that are no longer; the excitement of Christmas morning and gifts piled high around the tree, and the comfort of family gathered around the table for a meal.

Those seats are empty now. Those times have passed. As have too many loved ones. As do all the holidays anymore.

No more celebrations. Just endurances.

But that’s okay.

I think of friends who have risen early to ready themselves for a busy family day of gifts and food. They enjoy their quiet time to reflect and prepare. They fill my heart, but how I envy them.

My thoughts are interrupted by a commotion in the kitchen.

I look up to see that the cat is eating the dog’s food . . . and the dog is humping his Blue Bear.


This time of year can be rough on some of us.

blue bear

Merry Christmas, my friends.

I wish you love, peace, health, and happiness.


Categories: Family, Friends, God/Spiritual, Grief/Healing, Holidays/Birthdays | Tags: , , , , , , | 26 Comments

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26 thoughts on “CHRISTMAS MORNING

  1. Betsy Aiello

    Well said—I feel this also. Merry Christmas.

  2. Merry Christmas my dear friend! ❤

  3. Sally Phelps

    Merry Christmas. JESUS IS BORN & WE ARE SAVED!.
    Your blog is pretty much how it is for alot of people. Take care my friend.

  4. Keith Wissman

    You very aptly described what has been my state of emotion at Christmas for some time now.

    Have tried a bit over the last couple of years to intentionally bring other people in similar emotion into my sphere to try to be mutually supportive and uplifting during Advent but have found that minimally successful. It seems most depressives go into seclusion at this time of the year; the short day light hours along with the day after day of heavy overcast skies here in the Great Lakes area really seems to take a toll.

    Does anyone have suggestions to hopefully make this “ministry” more successful?

    Merry Christmas to all! Keith

    • I’m thinking of beginning to volunteer again in the upcoming year. Maybe a soup kitchen, food pantry, or homeless shelter. And continuing that straight through the holidays. The idea being to take my focus off of myself and put it on someone who could really use it. Maybe I’ll try to rally those who are spending the holidays alone to join me. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and reading too! Take good care and I hope you’re feeling somewhat better now that things have calmed down. Love & blessings to you, Keith. xoJulia

  5. Dear Julia, your feelings can be understood so well. You write always in such a way that I can see the situation so well in front of me. But you have to know that many of your friends are with you in thoughts and wish you a good X-mas time and for 2013 success, luck and good health….and still a lot of fun with Baxter and Allie….and we are looking forward to more “journies with Julia” next year…since these are always close to the real life….and one can feel your reasons and emotions behind your “journies” and on the other hand your frankness and honesty gives the right “spice” to the stories and gives therfore also a lot of food for thoughts to the reader. Thank you for that and wishing you the best. God bless.

  6. I never fail to enjoy your posts…and poor blue bear. He looks a bit worse for the wear!

    • Don’t we all, ‘eh? LOL! Yeah, that blue bear really take a beating! Thanks so much for reading and leaving your kind words. xoJulia

  7. Dear Julia,
    So glad you have your bright little angel. Wishing you a peace and joy now, and for the new year. (And better Blue Bear than you! I had a cat who really really liked my mother, and he used to go up and hug her leg rather too enthusiastically.) Warm wishes, Naomi

  8. Sounds like the dog had a happy Christmas? 😉 Hugs to you Julia! I lost several pregnancies around Thanksgiving and I get blue during those times, even though I am thankful. My one daughter is now grown, but I get to re-live the joy though my step-daughters. My husband’s family ALL live in the same town, and no one has lost anyone close here. It amazes me. I don’t think they realize how lucky they are. I consider many blessings this time of year, and I don’t forget to count them. Counting one for you too.

    • Dear Angelia, thank you for your warm and thoughtful note. And for the Christmas hug! I’m so sorry for your losses….I too lost a baby…my only child…a son, shortly after his birth. No matter how we are blessed beyond that, the loss stays with us. Your husband’s family truly are blessed. But unfortunately, as we both know, we all have our day at loss, sooner or later. Lucky for them that it’s a little later. Thank you so much for your tender words and sentiments. It really means a lot to me. Take care, my friend. xoJulia

  9. C (HelNik123)

    Sorry Christmas is hard on you. All the best for 2013. xx

  10. I’ve never thought about Christmas from a perspective such as yours; thank you for that (and thank your pets for providing some comic relief). Merry Christmas! 🙂

    • Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to leave me a note. Yeah, the animals….they are always providing the comedy! lol I just love them so much. Merry Christmas, to you my wonderful friend. xoJulia

  11. Lynn Gardner

    If it wasn’t for my only sibling (my sister) I would be right where you are, though I don’t think I would fair as well. Thank you, Julia for being so open and honest even in difficult times. I’m looking forward to seeing you in the New Year! BTW, I absolutely love the glass jewelry box you gave me, I will treasure it always 🙂 xoxo Lynn

    • Thank you, Lynn. Your comments mean the world to me. I always say that my real and true friends have become the family that I need . . . and you have been one to do that. I hope that weight isn’t too heavy to carry. I love and adore you, my dear friend. Thank you for being such a sweet and wonderful lifeline. I’m so happy that you like your gift. See you soon. xoxoJulia

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  13. I hope that wave of grief has passed. Had to smile about the cat eating the dog food, etc…

    • Thanks, dear friend. Your description of the “wave of grief” is an accurate one…..they come and go. Mostly they are small ones these days, but every now and then, when a holiday or something comes up – they’ll pop up and throw me into a tailspin for a bit. Thanks for your note. Glad you liked the ending….Blessings to you, my friend. xoJulia

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