FROM PUMPKINS TO PYTHONS

I think I’m turning into a bit of a Blog Attention Whore.

Good grief. I wonder if there is a support group for that.

In my quest to keep things interesting and fun, and in an effort to lighten up and step outside of my comfort zone, I’m finding myself doing some pretty unusual things.

Since I use my own pics in my blogs, I now carry a camera everywhere I go. Everything I see is a potential photograph, and every photograph, a story.

Much to my chagrin, and the chagrin of others, I’m discovering that there is nothing I won’t do for the sake of the blog. Well, almost nothing.

One night while partying with girlfriends, one of them said, “We’d better cool down or we’re going to end up in jail!”

My response? “Oh, that would be a great blog!”

Sheesh. I seriously may need help.

On Halloween, a holiday that I’ve never enjoyed, I made an attempt to funny-up and embrace the day. While driving about with my good friend, Patti Petroline, we passed a side-of-the-road pumpkin patch.

“We should buy a pumpkin, carve it out, put it on my head, and then snap some pics for my blog!” I screamed, as I pulled the car over and turned it around.

Patti, the forever spontaneous and always-game adventurer, and my self-appointed personal Smart Phone Photographer, was up for the challenge. What resulted was, “A Halloween Dream”, http://wp.me/p2ckKM-jM.

Who would have guessed that this crabby, claustrophobic, hot-flashing, quirky old beotch would end up doing this?

We had a blast and laughed for hours. It was truly one of my finest moments.

That brings us to this past Friday night at River’s Edge Gallery in Wyandotte, for the opening reception of “Pure Genius”.

And it was.

Pure genius, that is.

That “River’s Edge Gallery Gang” just makes me all crazy. Crazy excited. And crazy inspired. But be warned, you’ve gotta watch these folks, because before you know it, you will be seeing, feeling, and experiencing all sorts of unexpected things. You’ll find yourself crying over things you don’t understand, falling in love with things that you can’t explain, and dreaming of things you can’t imagine.

Sometimes you might even see yourself up on the wall . . .  being displayed through someone else’s eyes . . . in their art.

It blows me away.

This show was outstanding. But it was different from others I’ve attended. Actually, there was one REALLY BIG difference.

And her name was Cinderella.

She is a beautiful Albino Burmese Python snake that is NINE FEET LONG and WEIGHS 45 POUNDS. She and her owner were given permission to attend the show, as an opportunity to educate those attendees who were willing to walk over to her table and meet her.

Not me. No sir. No thanks.

I’m not a snake person.

Are you kidding me?

I SCREAM AT THE SIGHT OF HER FOOD!

When I found a mouse in my apartment, I called the Landlord, hysterical and from high atop a dining room chair. And afterwards, I sat in the same chair sweating, panting, and sobbing over my plight of husband-less-ness and my involuntary independence. I experienced it again when I discovered a large colony of gianormous slugs on my patio. And yes, I know they like beer. I supplied their slimy nasty-looking asses with a can of Budweiser one night. Sure, they drank it. And then they sludged away back home . . . all slow and buzzed up, while leaving a trail of ik.

But I digress.

So, there we stood, in awe, at Cinderella’s table. Patti stood much closer to it than I did. She’s the calm one. I am not. I would be the sweating, hyperventilating, twitching one.

At heart, I am an animal rights advocate. I don’t agree with wild animals being kept as pets or being hauled around from place to place for display, but honestly, I didn’t consider any of that.

She was beautiful. And I was mystified, captivated, and horrified, all at the same time. Her owner seemed to adore her and has been in the business of educating people with reptiles for many years. And I kind of agree with that.

So, in the spirit of stepping out of my comfort zone and pushing my limits, and being the Blog Attention Whore that I suspect myself to be, I said, “I should hold her and snap a picture for my blog!”

So I did.

I didn’t anticipate her weight or the feeling of her incredibly strong solid mass of muscle wrapped around my upper body.

It . . . freaked . . . me . . . out.

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I don’t think I was even breathing.

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In this photo, I was smiling through gritted teeth and begging Patti, “Did you get the pic? Did you get the pic?”

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As soon as she said yes, I panicked inside and had to get the snake off of me . . . like, right now.

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It looks like I’m pretty upset, but I was just in a hurry.

As soon as I got away from her, my adrenaline soared, my heart pounded, my knees began to shake, and my hands visibly trembled. I kept saying, “I did it! I did it!”

And I must have looked every bit a wreck, because the owner kept saying, “You did great! You did great!”

He knew how frightened I was as I approached their table. Later he told me that I was really brave. He said doing something risky isn’t brave unless you’re afraid. I agreed.

Much later, Patti and I determined that the series of photographs was taken in approximately 20 SECONDS. That’s how long I lasted. 20 SECONDS.

Several hours and a half a Xanax later, we were looking at a couple of pretty amazing photographs that I deem frame-worthy.

Because I did it . . .

. . . even though I was afraid.

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And it was a good thing.

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SIDE NOTE: The next day I Googled our little Cinderella, and read this, “The Albino Burmese Python are readily available but grow up to be huge snakes. This is one of the snakes that needs a healthy dose of caution, so think twice (or more) before getting one as a pet. Although Burmese Pythons are generally quite docile, they are incredibly strong, and it just takes a single mistake in handling them, to have disastrous results.”

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Nice.

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