Humor

Baxter Turns TWO!

Today is Baxter’s 2nd birthday and he’s a very happy boy.

First, we went for a drive.

BAXTER SMILING IN CAR

Then he opened his Birthday cards.

BAX CARD BDAYhis

For his special activity he’s chosen a themed movie marathon on television . . .

BAX ON LAPtv

. . . obviously, Sci-Fi.

bax w foil hatbday

It’s hard to believe I’ve had him for only two years……feels like a hundred! haha.

Here is the blog I wrote after first bringing him home. He was 6 weeks old and weighed 1.5 pounds. http://wp.me/p2ckKM-5W.

Happy birthday, Bax! Momma loves you!

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Categories: Animals, Holidays/Birthdays, Humor | Tags: , , , , , | 14 Comments

ANOTHER YEAR

Things I’ve realized this past year:

For every personal issue that I address and overcome, three new things replace it.

I don’t know if I have enough time or energy left to become the person I always dreamt I’d be.

My expectations cause most of my pain.

There’s a difference between being kind and being a people pleaser. I’m both. And I don’t like the latter.

The man who will befriend me, accept me, celebrate me, and comfort me, probably doesn’t exist and I will most likely spend the rest of my life alone.

I need to let go of the dream for a better life, but wonder how I will face each day without that hope.

Old, childless Aunties are left to the wayside.

It’s hard to be humorous while my heart is breaking.

Good customer service is becoming the exception.

Common sense is not common.

With the blast of new technology and social media, we now communicate instantly and ineffectively with millions, and rarely talk honestly with the person right next to us.

Somewhere along the line, “Please” and “Thank you” were replaced by, “I gotta go pee” and “My bad”. We are advancing into a new form of ignorance that is less than charming.

Nature and nonhuman creatures have nourished and saved me this year.

The instincts of motherhood, the potency of a hot flash, or the intensity of grief, could power a city.

New body ailments crop up out of nowhere every couple of months. Apparently, I can no longer raise my arms above my head without getting a cramp in my ribcage. Makes for an interesting chest x-ray. And mammogram.

Grosse Ile has a secret mafia consisting of a well-organized, well-established gang of gray-hairs called the Grosse Ile Garden Club. Although we’ve never met, word has it that I’ve stepped on a few well-manicured toes by competing with their annual fundraising calendar. I also hear that although they will not break your legs, they may kick you in the shin. Or pull your hair. Haha.

I didn’t have my annual “curative date” this year – the one that cures me of my relationship-envy for a while. Last year’s was with an online man who was the most physically unattractive person I’ve ever met. I know that I’m an overweight, under average looking old woman, but this guy was reminiscent of an animated version of one of Rocky’s Siberian boxing opponents, and although I was stunned at first, I’m nothing if not gracious, and surprisingly, he had swagger, so we proceeded to have a good dinner and a few laughs. At the end of the night he gifted me an open-mouthed slobbery face-kiss. I waited until he left to wipe away his drool with my sleeve. Funny thing is, I actually considered seeing him again, but he never called. Haha. Joke’s on me.

My 15 pound Pomeranian and equally girth-y cat, Allie, have trained me and now rule my residence.

My last lover probably thought himself God-like with all the noise I made. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that the moment we commenced, I got a cramp in my ribcage, my calf, my toes, and my back.

The last time I went to my closet, I could only find one dress that still fit, and I had to Fabreeze it because it smelled musty. And the bright red patent leather heels that I keep on my dresser as a reminder of my girly girl? Still unworn, but regularly dusted. An optimist? Hardly. Maybe a die-hard.

I love quickly. And I can’t live a guarded life. I guess it’s just not my way. I’m sure I could learn, but I’d rather take the hits than become cold and bitter. Upside? My recovery time is improving.

It is a testament to my restraint and some version of good mental health that I haven’t punched someone in the throat.

I will probably continue my New Year’s Eve tradition of watching, “The Twilight Zone” marathon on the Sci-Fi channel, but I will fall asleep long before midnight.

So much has happened this year. New friends. Reconnections. Endings. Too many hurt feelings, lost loved ones, turmoil. Too much spinning my wheels in place. I’m exhausted. Maybe people go out and drink on New Year’s Eve because they know they’re getting ready to start it all over again in January. Ugh.

Last year’s mantra of, “Just breathe”, has been replaced with, “All righty then . . .”

I once wrote about how I wanted to be remembered after my passing; the things I hoped that people would say; my generosity, kindness, honesty. That was over a year ago, though it seems like a lifetime, and boy have I changed. No words need to be written, there is nothing to video tape, or read from paper at a podium, no collages need to be made, and no one needs to sing for me, as I once wished. I know that there have been two times in my life when I sat bedside while someone died. Because of me, they were not alone. And I think they died easier. If that’s the best I do in this life, then that’s okay. I will say, though, it would also be nice if someone laughs when they think of me, and no one spits when they hear my name; or maybe the spitting is okay too . . . at the very least I would’ve riled someone. Haha.

“…every passing minute is another chance to turn it all around.” – From the movie, “Vanilla Sky”.

I wish you all the best in the New Year.

xoJulia

SHOES ZOOMD ME

Categories: Grief/Healing, Holidays/Birthdays, Humor | Tags: , , , , | 19 Comments

MOMMA TOLD ME THERE’D BE DAYS LIKE THIS

Today is one of those days that inspire a head-shake and an exasperated, “Really?

The morning begins with a shower where I shampoo my body and body-wash my hair.

SHAMPOO BODY WASH

And the afternoon brings ten fumbling, frustrating minutes of trying to make a sandwich only to discover that the Pita bread won’t open because it doesn’t open! Are you kidding me?

 PITA NO POCKET

And moments later, when I take the first bite of my real Pita pocket sandwich, the bottom splits open and everything spills out and goes plonk on the plate.

And finally, some news from my doctor.

Apparently, I am not the only one who gets annoyed with people, my body does too! And some of my organs are protesting. (Bastards).

My heart’s hammering, migraine’s pulsating, bladder’s faking infection and my gall bladder (where is that anyway?) is feigning stones; but, wait . . .

O.M.G., did I just wee-wee on my socks?”

FACE YIKES

Nope. That unnatural flush of warmth is hot flashes . . . IN MY FEET!

All of your test results are “unremarkable” the doctor says, “You’re fine, but you need to work on the stress.”

Really?

That’s just marvelous.

Resigned to staying home, I walk to the sofa, dumfounded and defeated, in my jammies and my over-sized athletic socks . . .

IN JAMMIES

. . . and step right into cat barf.

But it’s not even noon yet!” I whine.

Now, before this polka dotted, hot-flashing old gal can relax, I’ve got to take my funky-ass hair and itchy skin, and go air out my feet. And my socks. And clean up the leaky non-Pita pita mess. And the gaggy cat stuff I just smooshed into the carpet.

There’s no doubt, it’s one of those days alright. Haha.

What’s my calmative mantra again?

Oh yeah . . . “Just breathe”.

Categories: Humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 23 Comments

MY WILD BDAY PARTY

Something is brewing around here and I suspect that it is related to my upcoming birthday.

When I enter the room I catch my homies, Allie and Baxter, whispering.

WHISPERG

“What are you two up to?” I ask.

They suddenly sit up, go silent, and put on their best striving-to-look-innocent faces.

ALLIE BAX SIDEBYSIDE CROPPED

“Who . . . us? They answer.

Remembering last year’s birthday celebration and the chaos that ensued, I push.

“You wouldn’t be hiding anything, would you, Miss Allie?” I ask.

She says nothing, but gets defensive and shoots me that impatient, intense look of hers.

ALLIE BAX INTENSEcropped

But I know my homies. And several hours later my suspicions are confirmed and I am surprised with a birthday party.

FIREWORKS BDAYBALLOONS IN TREEME SURPRISE FACE

There is food and  drink.

CHEESE N CRACKERS DRINK ALLIE

I receive cards, and flowers, and lots of kisses.

BAX DELIVERS MAIL blogPLANTKISSES

Then Allie sings. And boy, she really gets into it.

SINGING

Then Baxter sings along with an Ecard. He’s a star! Click on the link below and watch him sing on YouTube!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FfBzaJMyAw8

We play lots of party games.

GAMES BAX DOMSGAMES ALLIE DOMINOESGAMES ALLIE SCRABBGAMES ALLIE BAG

But quickly things get out of hand.

OUT OF CONTROLOUT OF CONTROL BLUR

What happens in Vegas . . . ? ha ha ha.

OUT OF CONTROL ALLIE LAMPOUT OF CONTROL ME

The next morning we are quiet and lazy.

LATER ALLIELATER BAXNEXT DAY ME

And for the most part, unscathed.

Well, kind of.

You know what they say:

“It’s all fun and games until someone ends up in a cone!”

ME CONE GLASSES SHRUGtheone

Categories: Animals, Holidays/Birthdays, Humor, Photography | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 29 Comments

ABOUT ME & MY JOURNEY

In this blog I bear my soul. I’ve suffered some rather traumatic family losses in my lifetime and have overcome some rough stuff: the loss of my only child; an infant son, a 40-year dysfunctional, (but comfortable), relationship with grief, suicide and drug addiction in the family, and everything from quitting a 35 yr smoking habit, to overcoming prescription drug addiction, to my challenges with bipolar disorder. smiling glasses allieGOOD

Now, at the age of 54, I’m facing a whole new world through clear eyes! Everything is fresh and exciting, and challenging and scary . . . and I’m embracing it all!

In this blog, I share (purge) my past experiences, however painful, raw, or revealing. And I share new adventures . . . both emotionally and physically out in the world. I take you into the world of bipolar disorder . . . or maybe to the local cancer center to meet cancer patients who heal through their art, or to an art gallery exhibition, to the local park to snap pics, or maybe downtown to our wonderful City of Detroit!

I’m on the cusp . . . of change.

I believe in celebrating the people and places around me. I will seldom vent, rant, or approach something in a negative way. If I don’t enjoy an art show, or a new business, or a new artist, I simply won’t blog about it. Anything else is just too easy. I look for the good, the funny, the kind, the loving, and the inspirational things; and they are EVERYWHERE! I hope to make you laugh, or cry, or maybe even think about things a bit differently.

So, please, join me on this beautiful, incredible, painful, and amazing journey called life. And please, share your thoughts with me by leaving a comment on my blog! Also, to “Follow” me on my journey, just enter your email address in the “Follow” box and you will be notified by email each time I post a new blog entry.

Thanks for visiting! Be safe. Be careful. And please . . . remember to be kind. xoxoJulia

*Blog content & photographs © 2013 by Julia Kovach, unless otherwise noted.

Categories: Addiction, Bipolar/Depression, Downriver/Detroit, Michigan, Humor, Inspiration/Motivation, Kindness & Compassion, Mental Health, Suicide | Tags: , , , , , , , | 13 Comments

SOME LIKE IT HOT

SOME LIKE IT HOT.

Categories: Humor, Nature, Physical Health | Leave a comment

FROM PUMPKINS TO PYTHONS

I think I’m turning into a bit of a Blog Attention Whore.

Good grief. I wonder if there is a support group for that.

In my quest to keep things interesting and fun, and in an effort to lighten up and step outside of my comfort zone, I’m finding myself doing some pretty unusual things.

Since I use my own pics in my blogs, I now carry a camera everywhere I go. Everything I see is a potential photograph, and every photograph, a story.

Much to my chagrin, and the chagrin of others, I’m discovering that there is nothing I won’t do for the sake of the blog. Well, almost nothing.

One night while partying with girlfriends, one of them said, “We’d better cool down or we’re going to end up in jail!”

My response? “Oh, that would be a great blog!”

Sheesh. I seriously may need help.

On Halloween, a holiday that I’ve never enjoyed, I made an attempt to funny-up and embrace the day. While driving about with my good friend, Patti Petroline, we passed a side-of-the-road pumpkin patch.

“We should buy a pumpkin, carve it out, put it on my head, and then snap some pics for my blog!” I screamed, as I pulled the car over and turned it around.

Patti, the forever spontaneous and always-game adventurer, and my self-appointed personal Smart Phone Photographer, was up for the challenge. What resulted was, “A Halloween Dream”, http://wp.me/p2ckKM-jM.

Who would have guessed that this crabby, claustrophobic, hot-flashing, quirky old beotch would end up doing this?

CARTOON OH MY HEAD

We had a blast and laughed for hours. It was truly one of my finest moments.

That brings us to this past Friday night at River’s Edge Gallery in Wyandotte, for the opening reception of “Pure Genius”.

And it was.

Pure genius, that is.

That “River’s Edge Gallery Gang” just makes me all crazy. Crazy excited. And crazy inspired. But be warned, you’ve gotta watch these folks, because before you know it, you will be seeing, feeling, and experiencing all sorts of unexpected things. You’ll find yourself crying over things you don’t understand, falling in love with things that you can’t explain, and dreaming of things you can’t imagine.

Sometimes you might even see yourself up on the wall . . .  being displayed through someone else’s eyes . . . in their art.

It blows me away.

This show was outstanding. But it was different from others I’ve attended. Actually, there was one REALLY BIG difference.

And her name was Cinderella.

9SNAKEclose

She is a beautiful Albino Burmese Python snake that is NINE FEET LONG and WEIGHS 45 POUNDS. She and her owner were given permission to attend the show, as an opportunity to educate those attendees who were willing to walk over to her table and meet her.

Not me. No sir. No thanks.

I’m not a snake person.

Are you kidding me?

I SCREAM AT THE SIGHT OF HER FOOD!

When I found a mouse in my apartment, I called the Landlord, hysterical and from high atop a dining room chair. And afterwards, I sat in the same chair sweating, panting, and sobbing over my plight of husband-less-ness and my involuntary independence. I experienced it again when I discovered a large colony of gianormous slugs on my patio. And yes, I know they like beer. I supplied their slimy nasty-looking asses with a can of Budweiser one night. Sure, they drank it. And then they sludged away back home . . . all slow and buzzed up, while leaving a trail of ik.

But I digress.

So, there we stood, in awe, at Cinderella’s table. Patti stood much closer to it than I did. She’s the calm one. I am not. I would be the sweating, hyperventilating, twitching one.

At heart, I am an animal rights advocate. I don’t agree with wild animals being kept as pets or being hauled around from place to place for display, but honestly, I didn’t consider any of that.

She was beautiful. And I was mystified, captivated, and horrified, all at the same time. Her owner seemed to adore her and has been in the business of educating people with reptiles for many years. And I kind of agree with that.

So, in the spirit of stepping out of my comfort zone and pushing my limits, and being the Blog Attention Whore that I suspect myself to be, I said, “I should hold her and snap a picture for my blog!”

So I did.

I didn’t anticipate her weight or the feeling of her incredibly strong solid mass of muscle wrapped around my upper body.

1crazylook

It . . . freaked . . . me . . . out.

*

I don’t think I was even breathing.

2ADJUSTG IT

*

In this photo, I was smiling through gritted teeth and begging Patti, “Did you get the pic? Did you get the pic?

3funny mouth

*

As soon as she said yes, I panicked inside and had to get the snake off of me . . . like, right now.

4REMOVING

*

It looks like I’m pretty upset, but I was just in a hurry.

6leaving

As soon as I got away from her, my adrenaline soared, my heart pounded, my knees began to shake, and my hands visibly trembled. I kept saying, “I did it! I did it!”

And I must have looked every bit a wreck, because the owner kept saying, “You did great! You did great!”

He knew how frightened I was as I approached their table. Later he told me that I was really brave. He said doing something risky isn’t brave unless you’re afraid. I agreed.

Much later, Patti and I determined that the series of photographs was taken in approximately 20 SECONDS. That’s how long I lasted. 20 SECONDS.

Several hours and a half a Xanax later, we were looking at a couple of pretty amazing photographs that I deem frame-worthy.

Because I did it . . .

7CLOSEprintthis

. . . even though I was afraid.

*

And it was a good thing.

8MEHOLDINGUPCLOSEPRFCTprint

**********

SIDE NOTE: The next day I Googled our little Cinderella, and read this, “The Albino Burmese Python are readily available but grow up to be huge snakes. This is one of the snakes that needs a healthy dose of caution, so think twice (or more) before getting one as a pet. Although Burmese Pythons are generally quite docile, they are incredibly strong, and it just takes a single mistake in handling them, to have disastrous results.”

**********

Nice.

**********

Categories: Animals, Art, Downriver/Detroit, Michigan, Humor, Inspiration/Motivation | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 55 Comments

IT’S ALL RELATIVE

Gosh, I was cute when I was young. We all were. Like goofy adorable little puppies.

Look at me in this pic. Quite the helmet head. Wow. Ha ha.

I look at this pic now, some thirty years later, and the first thing I notice is that I actually have eyebrows! And a firm jaw line with no crazy duo of jowly thingies, like I have now. And I have only one neck. Wow. I fogot that. But I do remember how self-conscious I used to be about my looks. Nothing ever seemed quite right or good enough.

It’s been the blink of an eye and here I am in my fifties. Now I’m sporting a 30-pound muffin top that I’m ready to name (Mary Francis) and start a Facebook page for, my eyebrows are merely wispy remnants, and my butt, which, back in the day, I didn’t want to be big, has now deflated like a birthday balloon two weeks after my birthday. Sheesh. It’s just cruel what time can do to an old gal’s body.

I’m working at improving myself though. On the inside, where there’s still hope. I’m trying to focus more on my inner beauty and worry less about my outer losses.

I look back . . . with some big fat regrets. Man, I wasted so much time just being all messed up. I spent a lifetime grieving for people and things that were gone. There were so many things I was going to do . . . and be.

We had it all. We were young.  But time just didn’t carry the same significance as it does now.

Tic tock. Tic tock.

That sound you hear is NOT your biological clock. That is your life clock! And time’s a flying!

But you know what? It’s all relative.

You know how we look back to when we were twenty or thirty and see cute little puppies?

Well, there will come a day in the not-that-far-away future, when we’re in our seventies or eighties and we will look back on THIS time and say, “Wow. Look how gorgeous we were! We still had all our own teeth and hair! We could still dance, and walk unassisted, and drive!”

Don’t you see? Our fifties have become our new thirties!

This is it, folks. This is prime time. So let’s kick it up a notch. There is no red Easy Button and there are no do-overs. Let’s laugh as much as we can and create great memories everyday, so that when we are actually REALLY OLD, we can look back and say, “Weren’t our fifties just the best years ever?”

It’s all relative.

Tic tock. Tic tock.

Categories: Humor, Inspiration/Motivation, Physical Health | Tags: , , , , , , , | 38 Comments

A HALLOWEEN DREAM

(I don’t care much for Halloween. But in the spirit of going with the flow and learning to laugh at life, I decided to try to make the best of it this year. All of the pics in this blog were taken while out driving yesterday with Patti Petroline; dear friend, great adventurer, and carver of pumpkins).

*************************************************************************************************************

We’ll have a full moon the TV said 

but I stayed home cuz I was dead

I watched a movie called Pumpkin Head

and then I ate and went to bed.

*

My B.L.T. caused crazy dreams

and transported me it seems

to scary skies with sugar beams

I’m just not sure what it all means.


*

I saw a tree


*

a goat


*

a sign


*

Was this all caused by how I dined?
*

And then a barn


*

my dog


*

a friend of mine?


*

Whew! It all ended just in time.
*

Thankfully, I did awake . . . or did I make a bad mistake?

My body hurts and my head sure aches. Oh, my gosh . . . for goodness sakes!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN, GOBLINS! Xoxo

Categories: Adventures, Humor, Photography, Poetry | Tags: , , , , , , , | 28 Comments

CLASS REUNION

I put the top down on my convertible and start up the car. The air is warm and mild and it smells sweet. It is so quiet that I can hear my tires on the road as I pull away. It is a rare and perfect early summer morning.

I drive slowly from the Grosse Ile Yacht Club while still basking in the afterglow of a successful event and a wonderful night of laughter and silliness with friends. My 35th high school class reunion has just ended.

I leave the radio off, drive in the silence of a 2:00 a.m. morning, and get lost in fun recollections of the evening.

My first thought is of me tending the table at the entrance to our party. I remembered NO ONE! I recall how I began the evening with, “I’m sorry, I don’t remember too many of our classmates; what’s your name, please?” and ended up with, “Who are you?!”

Patti, a kind classmate, recalled me asking her to join the committee and then promptly proclaiming my exasperation at my own involvement and saying, “But I don’t even like people!” She told me tonight, after several drinks, how that had scared her a little. But she joined me anyway. And she was vital to the resulting wonderful evening. I call her brave. And gracious.

One of our committee members wore a striking ensemble that inspired the evening’s most memorable quote which involved a wedge of watermelon and was thusly dubbed, “the watermelon lady!” A title I suspect that she will wear for a very long time. I remember telling her to act like a rind. She laughed and did something funny with her arms. (I will post something like this on her Facebook wall later).

And our poor DJ. I kept calling him Tim, although his name was Paul. Thing is, I hired him. He smiled a lot when he saw me coming.

And my somewhat reserved friend, the “closet” dancer. She was quite the flexible little creature out there dancing tonight. She moved so quickly that I was only able to get one pic of her. I muse now in understanding of her intense addiction to, “So You Think You Can Dance?”. . . And another piece of the puzzle falls into place.

I remember how we all laughed at our graduation pictures that were on our nametags. I never knew the handsome guy I talked to at our pre-party the night before until I saw his nametag tonight. “Oh, THAT’S who you are!” I screamed in recognition.

I think about the infamous “rock” that adorns our school’s entrance and how every year a proud class will declare themselves by painting it with their graduation year. Ours was 1977.

Couple that with the mustache and beard that I drew on my nametag and titled, “Menopause”, and I have just one word of explanation:

Regression. I guess I’m being the bad girl I never was in school. A real rebel, ‘eh? Ha ha. Funny thing is, no one seemed to notice. Sheesh.

A little crazier was the girl I didn’t know who freaked me out by trying to suck on my neck, and the fact that I posed for a picture on a handsome man’s lap, stuck my finger in his ear, and now cannot for the life of me, remember his name. There is something inherently wrong with that. Oh gosh.

I pull myself from the night’s memories and back into the present moment and drive slowly down East River Road. It is a beautiful, quiet night and ever so still.

I round the infamous East River Road bend where the houses cease to be on the right side and there is only the river. I am acutely aware of the silence.

As I resign myself to the conclusion of a memorable evening, I see a shadowy figure up ahead near the water. I stop my car.

A single large, lovely, deer slowly walks across the road immediately in front of me. He turns his head and looks at me as he crosses. My camera is not handy, so I sit perfectly still and watch in awe. But it looks something like this.

Wow.

Now that, my friends, is the perfect ending to a great night; and one that I did not anticipate . . . another precious moment to remember.

Grosse Ile, Michigan, it will always be my home.

Gosh, I love this place.

Categories: Downriver/Detroit, Michigan, Friends, Holidays/Birthdays, Humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 27 Comments

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